


The Group Chat From Hell

by GoringWriting



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - College/University, BAMF Theseus Scamander, Chatting & Messaging, Cinnamon Roll Newt Scamander, Credence Barebone Deserves Better, Credence Barebone Gets a Hug, Credence Barebone Needs a Hug, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Newt Scamander, Hurt Original Percival Graves, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mary Lou Barebone is Her Own Warning, Original Percival Graves is a Softie, Past Child Abuse, Protective Credence Barebone, Protective Jacob Kowalski, Protective Newt Scamander, Protective Original Percival Graves, Protective Queenie Goldstein, Protective Theseus Scamander, Protective Tina Goldstein, Smitten Original Percival Graves, Theseus Scamander is a Good Sibling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:28:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24637573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoringWriting/pseuds/GoringWriting
Summary: Just a group chat fic of our faves being chaotic in college or just a bit older than college. Drama, dating, crushes, and chaos awaitsAbsurd: AbernathyAngel: SeraphinaTiny tin: TinaBored this way: CredenceGrEEK God: TheseusHoney in a crown: QueenieNot the butcher nor candlestick maker: JacobGreatest Good: GellerthALlows: AlbusReaper: PercicalI am Noot: NewtLestrange and unusual: Leta
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald, Credence Barebone/Theseus Scamander, Leta Lestrange/Seraphina Picquery, Original Percival Graves/Newt Scamander, Queenie Goldstein/Jacob Kowalski
Comments: 7
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **this** means the title of the group chat
> 
> *This* means the action of a person in the chat

**The MACUSA**

Absurd: pretty boy

Tiny tin: what

Absurd: pretty boy, in my English class

Reaper: all boys are either pretty or hot to you

Absurd: I'm gay let me live my life!

Honey in a crown: we know honey, see if you can snap a pic?

Absurd: cutie.pic

Reaper: oh...

Angel: percival.exe has stopped working

Reaper: shut up Sera. He's just a cute boy

Not the butcher nor candlestick maker: oh that's Newt. He was in my math class earlier. He's sweet but kind of shy

Honey in a crown: we could make a group chat with him in it. At least to appease Abernathy's gay ass

Absurd: it's a fine gay ass!

Angel: keep telling yourself that

Honey in a crown: Jacob dm his number

*Honey in a crown added you to the group:  
The Chaos Crew*

*Honey in a crown added I am Noot to the group*

I am Noot: ummm.... hello?

Honey in a crown: hi honey, I'm Jacob's girlfriend Queenie, he gave me your number

I am Noot: oh...why did you add me?

Honey in a crown: Jacob thought you would be a good edition to the group.

I am Noot: oh... thank you

Absurd: I'm Abernathy, I'm actually sitting about two rows down and three to the left of you rn

I am Noot: the one who took my picture?

Absurd: you saw?

I am Noot: working with animals makes you notice signs

Not the butcher nor candlestick maker: they it's Jacob

Tiny tin: Tina Queenie's Sister

Angel: Seraphina

Reaper: Percival

Tiny tin: there's also a boy named Credence but he's recovering from work yesterday. he's a bartender

I am Noot: I think I might have met him. My brother dragged me out for a couple drinks last night to celebrate starting college. Pale, black hair and a weird haircut?

Tiny tin: yeah that's him. Queenie offered to fix his hair but he refused saying he's sick of home haircuts and actually wants to go to a barber shop this time.

I am Noot: good for him. My brother freaked out when I got my first haircut, but to be fair that was a mess.

Tiny Tin: oh and we also have Gellert and Albus. They're a little weird. Sometimes they love each other and sometimes they hate each other

Grumblebee: ah hello yes I'm Gellert...Albus! Change my name back right now before I hack your bank account!

Alvin not Simon or Theodore: no.gif

Alvin not Simon or Theodore: wait...Gellert change mine back!

Tiny tin: that was Gellert and Albus

Absurd: hey who's free rn?

Angel: it's the common lunch hour so all of us

Absurd: great meet in the cafe, I'm bringing Newt

I am Noot: um... I'm not so good with people

Angel: that's fine. You should have seen when Percy met Credence. He nearly knocked over the chemistry set in class

Reaper: excuse me! Delete this!

Angel: no

Absurd: I'm bringing Newt over, Percival get your shit off the chairs!

**The MACUSA**

Reaper: hng

Tiny tin: is he ok?

Angel: gay panic

Absurd: mood

Tiny tin: so...are we keeping Newt?

Reaper: yes

Tiny Tin: yes

Absurd: yes

Angel: yes

Not the butcher nor candlestick maker: yes

Honey in a crown: yes, he's so sweet

Greatest Good: yes

hALlows: yes

Bored this way: yes, he was really sweet at the bar last night. Made his bother stay by us to scare away some of the more aggressive patrons

Absurd: is the brother cute too?

Bored this way: no...the brother is HOT. Like muscles and a killer jaw and he looks at you and you think he's about to tackle you or something he's built like a Greek hero and has a name to match

Absurd: yum

Tiny tin: well that's everyone. Newt is now a full member of the group. 

**It's British Bitch**

GrEEK God: so how was the first day?

Lestrange and unusual: yeah, meet anyone?

I am Noot: actually I made friends with a guy in my English class and one in my math class and I sort of got adopted by their group of friends which includes that bartender last night Credence

GrEEK God: you mean the cute one?

I am Noot: yes the cute one. The one you tipped an unholy amount. 

GrEEK God: bah always stay cool with the bartenders it'll save your life one day

I am Noot: yes thank you for that sage advice. I gotta go, Pickett is getting worked up and I need to get up early for class tomorrow 

GrEEK God: fine but like test the waters see if he's single and into guys

Lestrange and unusual: Theseus, you are fuck all miles away, in another time zone. That is too long for a long distance relationship

GrEEK God: So you're saying I should move to America?

Lestrange and unusual: no!

I am Noot: GOODNIGHT YOU TWO!


	2. Chapter 2

Absurd: welp I'm dropping out

I am Noot: what? Why?

Angel: dont be dramatic

Tiny tin: is it the paper?

Reaper: paper?

Bored this way: the journalism essay?

Absurd: yes 

I am Noot: what's it on?

Tiny tin: we have to interview a person in a preselected major 

I am Noot: that doesn't seem so bad?

Absurd: not for Tina and Credence they were assigned Math and chemistry. Do you know how easy those are to find?

Reaper: Considering Gellert is a chem major and Albus is doubling in math and Bio?

Absurd: exactly easy. Where the fuck am I going to find a zoology major? I didn't even know our school had that!

I am Noot: ...

I am Noot: ...

I am Noot: ...

I am Noot: is this a good time for me to mention I'm a zoology major?

Absurd: are you free Friday for an interview?

I am Noot: I have maybe an hour between class and work. Can you do the interview on a bus or over the phone? 

Absurd: I'll do whatever I have to do to get this assignment done.

Reaper: I'll pick you up and drive you to work. I normally give Abernathy a ride to the gym after our math class.

I am Noot: um...that's not necessary! I'm happy to do it over the phone

Angel: where do you work anyway?

I am Noot: nowhere special

Angel: Newt, you know we won't judge you. Hell we're pretty sure Gellert cooks meth 

Tiny Tin: Abernathy worked as a sex shop

Absurd: tina worked Ikea

I am Noot: I'm not embarrassed!

I am Noot: it's just...ugh...I work in a morgue okay?

Reaper: um

Tiny tin: what?

I am Noot: I work in a morgue. I just handle paperwork though! 

Angel: that... Is not what I expected but okay

Reaper: I don't have a problem with it

Bored this way: I literally belong to a cult. I can't judge anyone

Absurd: perfect. Percival gives us a ride. I ask you questions and we drop you at work. Win win. The Gays stay winning!

I am Noot: are...are we just gonna ignore Credence belonging to a cult?


End file.
